I was at yet another acting class last night in Downtown Atlanta. This time is was On Camera Film. I watched everybody’s performances and reactions to all of the scenes. I noticed on camera I fall very short. In my head and on You Tube I can be me.. Melle is my strongest character but in scenes I don’t portray other people as well.
I have a unique perspective and I can view myself like another person and critique myself. I would have gave my performance a F. Yes I say the words right but do I believe the words…..No
I can’t blame it on age because there were people way older than me that performed very well some even “stole the show”. It’s kind of sad but I think the entertaining part of me that I had in my twenties has died. I really don’t have the fire for acting and performance anymore.
I see that I fall into the backround, my voice is not as strong as it is when I’m by myself. You can hear me when it’s just me in front of the camera recording. You can’t hear me in a group and if you can you forgot right after it’s over.
A little inside on these acting schools.The teachers were also once casting directors at one time in there career and I’ve been through so many classes you can see there eyes light up when they hear or see talent they like and there not shy about pointing them out.
I don’t know if at 34 years old I want to be placed under that type of scrutiny. I have so many other things I’m good at so why hurt yourself trying to go for the thing your not the strongest at.
I just had to wake up and get this off my brain this Thursday morning. Even though going to those classes actually discourages me, I’m going to finish out the On Camera Film Class. I’m sure I will get something out of it but to be completely honest I don’t think it’s the path for me.
I used to want to do commercials but I see as soon as I even think about auditions I start to pick at my self/body image . “Your to big” “Your teeth aren’t white enough” “I’m not pretty enough” right away I feel judgement. I’m not even auditioning and I feel all these negative thoughts about myself.
I don’t feel negative thoughts when I blog. I don’t feel negative thoughts when I do You Tube. I don’t feel negative thoughts when I create accessories for people. Those are things I do on my own. I control all of my platforms. I can’t control the entertainment/acting platform someone has to give me permission and I don’t want nobody’s permission.
I own myself and I want to continue to own myself and control the work I do. So even though I’m not strong when it comes to the acting side. You are strong with business, starting things from scratch and growing them. So continue on the paths that make you happy not the ones that make you feel insecure or not good enough. It’s just a sign that may not be for you. That was just my little rant I had to get off my chest. Remember to be yourself and be as honest as you can with yourself because your the only one who has to live with those decisions. Have a great one!